I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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