Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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