i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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