This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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