dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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