What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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