There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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