Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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