Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
