It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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