i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
