I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom