it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
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Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it