I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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