I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
