So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
