apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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