everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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