I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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