I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
