i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
