You can't special order awesome
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
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Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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