Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
