Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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