You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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