just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
