Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
