I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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