If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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