We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
