WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
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Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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