I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
