we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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