Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
