Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Mom said you looked used
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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