Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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