we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
