Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The uberlube is also flammable
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
