i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
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i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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