Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
