She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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