4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
