it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
