dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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