I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
