If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
