I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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