Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
