Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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