after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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