did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
