I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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