i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
