I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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