Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
