once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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