Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
