good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
