Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
