I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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