I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
