i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You're like the curious george of whores
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
