Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
