remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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