I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Randomize
