Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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