If that was your dad, he is hot
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
