I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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