so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
