So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
