He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
