so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
