she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
