party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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