did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize