ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
