I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't trust your balls anymore.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
