I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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