I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
