Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
