i wish my penis had a tongue
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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