2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
